She Loves Who?

I haven't gone out to sing and play my songs in almost three years. I've just been recording them and posting them. I used to practice them, but this dispute over my writing has become an obstacle. I hope no one has been trying to perform them anywhere in the world. Like Japan. Because we might never have had the Beatles if they'd given She Loves You to, say, Yoko Ono without telling John Lennon while John Lennon was trapped in a homeless shelter. (Sorry for the famous examples which are strictly for hypothetical use.) It's absurd that the industry has so much money to spend on the destruction of an artist but must be forced to support him. Instead of nurturing my talent, it treats my new songs like a cancer that needs to be wiped out. And why? Because it's music that wasn't already recorded in a million dollar studio by their thieving roadie accomplices and I wasn't supposed to survive to produce it? Instead of helping me they may want to save face at my expense: 'Hey you Asians! Here's a performance of that song! And the guy can't sing! It must be him: he's white! So he can't sing. That must be why he was afraid to sing for those monstrous tabloid-TV reporters! It's a good thing that band ripped him off.' And where am I when this happens? Thousands of miles away, trapped in a men's shelter. Or would such a thing happen because of my comedy writing? 'Thanks for sharing those sketches. We broadcasted them without your consent and they made money. So in order to keep them, we're spending your share of their profits on the destruction of your reputation. Sorry, but it costs money to hire spies to invade your privacy and con-men to pose as music label representatives, you know, the kind of people who can get the job done. Plus we need to pay off the people around you to keep silent while we set you up. After all, if our good name is damaged, it would damage America. But as for you, we can't give you your money or you'd be able to perform and make us look bad by being good. Shouldn't you be in a cemetery by now? Or at least in jail on a false charge of child rape? We need another scandal for Dateline.' And it looks like they want your children to remember with fondness liars and cheaters and thieves on TV and on the radio because they stole my music or my writing at the same time as it singles me out as a loser for being poor. 'See the mistake he made, Mikey? He'd still be on the radio if he just could have killed that bum who wrote his songs. And look here, that no good bum had the nerve to write those laughs on TV, too! Why isn't he out looking for a real job? Too bad they didn't kill him. He wrecked our favourite shows.' Thanks a lot. You know, poverty is pretty hard to cope with on its own without having this heaped on top of it. Why does a new fight seem to be starting with the media like some kind of new rival? Who pays the media? Still, here are a lot of people: 'Did the business rip you off, Dave? That's not what the media says.' At first it appears lucky for me that the Dateline girls wanted to be stars. Confused at the time, I understand now that it must have been SNL fans and Daily Show fans and cartoon fans confessing with their eyes: 'Dave, the TV said that those shows were in the wrong so we don't hate you.' It should now be clear that those ladies wanted to be stars not just to improve their own image but to sabotage mine. (By the way, did they ever use Accidentally Blown, which I posted in 2011? Because I didn't authorize it. My songs are not Dateline stories. Please incarcerate them for doing that if it's true.) I better not say I wrote anything else, right? I already went through this three years ago over my music. How many times is it supposed to happen to an innocent person in front of the world? Over how many years? Why couldn't they keep their greedy hands off of my work? Why am I paying for their mistake? I'm poor. I can't have a normal social life. I can't practice. I can't trust women. I can't trust anyone. They turned their supporters into my traitors, millions of them. They had people around me hassling me every day. For all I know they have a guy hassling me right now by talking too loud on his cellphone when I'm trying to concentrate: 8:47 PM. You simple minded headset wearers are my bane. I hope that horrible shit gives you fucking seizures. I'm going to make earplugs for myself again now, thanks to you. And thanks to you, I still can't afford to buy them. I'm sure I'll have to anyway.
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