For Want of Justice

(Next blog: I'm Free.) I want my money because without my money I feel like the biggest chump in history. That's why it's against the law for shows like Saturday Night Live to use my work and leave me unpaid. Maybe I still have a shot at suing them for defamation. I'll ask a U.S. lawyer about it. Now let's talk about me wanting my own work. They say that it's okay to use my work for profit and leave me unpaid if I don't want it. First of all, if I don't want it, what's it all doing here in my account? I erased it from the web because I didn't want Tina Fey's boyfriend to have it, not because I didn't want it. Did I ever tell you about Paul Gaughin? Brilliant post impressionist painter. You know what he did with the paintings he didn't want? He sold them. Maybe the SNL gang thinks he should have given these paintings away to others so they could pass them off as their own, but they were Gaughin's paintings. He owned them. And besides that, HE LABOURED OVER THEM AND HE INVESTED HIS MEAGER FUNDS INTO PAINTS AND CANVAS AND HE NEEDED MONEY. Isn't it a laugh? Those Gaughin's hanging in the Louvre are his rejects. Through his eyes, they were failures. As for his favourites, I'm told he burned them all on his deathbed. Let them haggle over the rejects, right, Paul? I understand you. Next blog: The National Bullshitting Corporation.
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The Questioning Question

Are my poems still up on poetrypoem.com since I first posted them there in 2004? I went to look today and I couldn't find them. I wrote some good poems that year. I remember one called Poetic Justice.
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Down with Depression

March 27, 2013: I got rid of a few old blogs about me crying about my poverty. I figure no one wants to read them.
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Between the Lines

Tonight's top story: don't trust the media!
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Who Wants to Be Next?

Is there still another poser on the loose? It's against the law for anyone to perform my songs without my authorization. It's against the law for anyone else to take credit for my writing. Are the rumours true about a certain psycho butchering my music with his non-existent singing voice? If so, incarcerate him. Any witless wonders with my laughs on their web page? Incarcerate them. Remove all unauthorized videos of my songs (all but mine) from the internet. Leave a notice that they were removed by my authority. Remove all unauthorized copies of my blogs (all but mine) from the internet and post the same notice to explain their disappearance. I'll be back in a month or so to make the same request.
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Breathing Easy

By stealing the profits from my work and leaving me to reside in Vancouver's notorious downtown east side, I guess the business hoped that their crimes against me would end up LOOKING LIKE the right thing to do. This neighbourhood is designed to punish its residents either for breaking the law or for not having a job. Drug use is rampant there, and every resident is expected to have some kind of serious character flaw. After trying so hard to keep up a decent image all those years I lived in that overpriced apartment, it was a tremendous blow for me to be forced into a bug infested room in the downtown east side after I fell behind in my rent from so much unpaid recording and writing. This is how the business rewarded me for writing the songs and the laughs it took from me, the same business that put the jerks who stole them in limousines and made you all think that they were stars. So when I hear lies such as my recent 'eviction' from my room, I don't blame the creeps I was living with in that God forsaken building back in Vancouver; I blame the business. Maybe you think it's funny that the business that dictates your thoughts and actions is so utterly evil, but you'll come to the end of your life one day because you have no control over it. And when you draw your last breath, you may find that you have even less control over what happens next because you invested all your faith in lies from your TV. You'll hear me laughing then - when it counts the most. I thought that by returning to my province of birth, I might shake off the stigma of living in close quarters with social misfits. But my current living conditions often have me feeling like I never left Vancouver. I still don't LOOK LIKE the great artist who composed all that work. After six years of this insulting treatment I suspect that if I ever do LOOK LIKE that great artist, it will be while I am on a private flight to some far off, uncharted island, never to return.
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Cancel Your Cable

I think that there has been more lying and cheating and backstabbing in the attempt to deprive me of the rights to my work than was used in the last four U.S. elections combined. And I'm not a conservative, but we'll need more prisons for all these copyright violators and their accessories, which brings me to my main point. It's come to my attention that lawyers have taken some of the blame for my misfortune. (My note to the prime minister pointed to the legal system, not to individuals.) Why do you suppose that this has happened at a time when I rely heavily on legal support? You see how my adversaries fight against truth and justice? And they never give up. As long as my lawyers are waging an effective strategy, they're 'culpable'. Then if I try to say that they are helping me, that makes my lawyers heroes and me their sad dependent. The problem here is not the lawyers. I wouldn't need lawyers if NBC/FOX/Comedy Central/etc wasn't so heavily in the wrong. They steal all my comedy, cash it in, and wait for the crowd to finish me off. Then when I stage a musical comeback, they feature it on Dateline as though it were a scandal. Great. Now every jerk with a guitar thinks he'll have groupies if he steals my music. This inhibits the production of my new songs. My new songs are further discouraged by my old blogs as trusting TV viewers attack me for thinking I am robbing their favourite shows, thanks to broadcasting corporations which scooped my original posts and paid themselves for it out of the belief (and hope) that I would never relive and rewrite them. I often wish I hadn't. If I authored a hit, I shouldn't have to stay at a homeless shelter. If everyone knows I authored it and that they thanked a band for stealing it from me and for using it to make my life Hell, maybe it's time they released their minds from television's evil influence.
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Here's Them

Here's me: 'This came from my suffering and may help others to endure suffering.' Here's them: 'He owes us because he doesn't deserve his talent.' Here's me: 'We could use this for charity.' Here's them: 'We could use this for ourselves.' Here's me: 'This will enlighten.' Here's them: 'This will enslave.' Here's me: 'I endure poverty and ridicule for my work.' Here's them: 'We're brave and strong for stealing his work; he's weak and cowardly for sharing it.' Here's me: 'As long as I survive there is hope.' Here's them: 'I wish he'd hurry up and kill himself.' Here's me: 'It's important to be original.' Here's them: 'It's important to be popular.' Here's me: 'Songs and laughter come from the heart.' Here's them: 'Songs and laughter come from the internet.' Here's me: 'A person must try to be good.' Here's them: 'A person must try to look good.' Here's me: 'It's indecent to steal my work, pay yourself, and leave me broke.' Here's them: 'It's indecent to sleep at a homeless shelter.' Here's me: 'God is good.' Here's them: 'Greed is good.' Here's me: 'I don't belong with them.' Here's them: 'We won't admire him until he's like them.' Here's me: 'I wish they'd let me perform my songs.' Here's them: 'He doesn't know how to perform his songs.' Here's me: 'I avoid the competition by working hard to improve myself.' Here's them: 'I avoid working hard by maligning the competition.'
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She Loves Who?

I haven't gone out to sing and play my songs in almost three years. I've just been recording them and posting them. I used to practice them, but this dispute over my writing has become an obstacle. I hope no one has been trying to perform them anywhere in the world. Like Japan. Because we might never have had the Beatles if they'd given She Loves You to, say, Yoko Ono without telling John Lennon while John Lennon was trapped in a homeless shelter. (Sorry for the famous examples which are strictly for hypothetical use.) It's absurd that the industry has so much money to spend on the destruction of an artist but must be forced to support him. Instead of nurturing my talent, it treats my new songs like a cancer that needs to be wiped out. And why? Because it's music that wasn't already recorded in a million dollar studio by their thieving roadie accomplices and I wasn't supposed to survive to produce it? Instead of helping me they may want to save face at my expense: 'Hey you Asians! Here's a performance of that song! And the guy can't sing! It must be him: he's white! So he can't sing. That must be why he was afraid to sing for those monstrous tabloid-TV reporters! It's a good thing that band ripped him off.' And where am I when this happens? Thousands of miles away, trapped in a men's shelter. Or would such a thing happen because of my comedy writing? 'Thanks for sharing those sketches. We broadcasted them without your consent and they made money. So in order to keep them, we're spending your share of their profits on the destruction of your reputation. Sorry, but it costs money to hire spies to invade your privacy and con-men to pose as music label representatives, you know, the kind of people who can get the job done. Plus we need to pay off the people around you to keep silent while we set you up. After all, if our good name is damaged, it would damage America. But as for you, we can't give you your money or you'd be able to perform and make us look bad by being good. Shouldn't you be in a cemetery by now? Or at least in jail on a false charge of child rape? We need another scandal for Dateline.' And it looks like they want your children to remember with fondness liars and cheaters and thieves on TV and on the radio because they stole my music or my writing at the same time as it singles me out as a loser for being poor. 'See the mistake he made, Mikey? He'd still be on the radio if he just could have killed that bum who wrote his songs. And look here, that no good bum had the nerve to write those laughs on TV, too! Why isn't he out looking for a real job? Too bad they didn't kill him. He wrecked our favourite shows.' Thanks a lot. You know, poverty is pretty hard to cope with on its own without having this heaped on top of it. Why does a new fight seem to be starting with the media like some kind of new rival? Who pays the media? Still, here are a lot of people: 'Did the business rip you off, Dave? That's not what the media says.' At first it appears lucky for me that the Dateline girls wanted to be stars. Confused at the time, I understand now that it must have been SNL fans and Daily Show fans and cartoon fans confessing with their eyes: 'Dave, the TV said that those shows were in the wrong so we don't hate you.' It should now be clear that those ladies wanted to be stars not just to improve their own image but to sabotage mine. (By the way, did they ever use Accidentally Blown, which I posted in 2011? Because I didn't authorize it. My songs are not Dateline stories. Please incarcerate them for doing that if it's true.) I better not say I wrote anything else, right? I already went through this three years ago over my music. How many times is it supposed to happen to an innocent person in front of the world? Over how many years? Why couldn't they keep their greedy hands off of my work? Why am I paying for their mistake? I'm poor. I can't have a normal social life. I can't practice. I can't trust women. I can't trust anyone. They turned their supporters into my traitors, millions of them. They had people around me hassling me every day. For all I know they have a guy hassling me right now by talking too loud on his cellphone when I'm trying to concentrate: 8:47 PM. You simple minded headset wearers are my bane. I hope that horrible shit gives you fucking seizures. I'm going to make earplugs for myself again now, thanks to you. And thanks to you, I still can't afford to buy them. I'm sure I'll have to anyway.
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Backpacks

I'm glad we got rid of that penny. Coins take up so much space: loonies, twonies. Notice how those coins are larger. It's like having several coins melted together into one coin producing a heavier coin. Maybe we should all start carrying pouches because the loonie probably doesn't buy much more than the penny did when they wrote the lyrics to that Christmas song that might be used for panhandling pennies. Sounds like a penny was enough to buy booze. With the penny out of the way, there will be more copper for our cable TV's. And the Canadian Dental Association will see that the loonie follows a similar fate.
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Middle Class Hero

Good evening and welcome to Middle Class Hero. I'm Rudy Manfelstein. I hope it isn't pretentious of me to share some thoughts I had earlier today about mobility within the social classes. The middle class is the only one that offers two opposing directions. And social class is determined by money and/or virtue: natural gifts, achievements and so forth. You people who so desperately depend on keeping up appearances that you lie and cheat to do it, get the fuck out of the middle class right now. You're a menace. We need you down where we can keep an eye on you. You cheque cashing bastards, all you think's important is money. There's so much more to life and you're in the way. So you're demoted too. Don't even dream of referring to yourself as middle class anymore at a party. They'll be onto you. Anyone left over who has something going for them, if you can reach up and yank down one of the above mentioned types from the upper class, you can take their place. Keep trying. It's the only way you're going to get out of there.
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Never Again

I can't believe I got sucked into this. With respect to that last post, to which faith did Jesus belong? And how have people calling themselves Christians been treating people of that faith for the last two thousand years? God loves us all and has a different plan for each of us. We may clash over our differences but we love God when we focus on that which brings us together. And sometimes the best way to stay together is to stay apart; that is, respect each others differences. Isn't it silly that an online war was waged a couple years ago between atheists armed with George Carlin (my atheist blog) and Christians armed with Coats from the Lost and Found (my initial 2007 Christian blog) and that both sides thought that I was an idiot?
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What the Hell?

Let me put this as gracefully as I can. If there are any Christian television programs featuring me at this moment, could you please disassociate yourself from me? I bring up my faith occasionally out of necessity, but I do not use it to promote myself. I welcome followers of all creeds, as well as atheists. I do not pass judgement. I used to like the Daily Show. Chances are that we have little in common and it is unfair for you to use me as your promotional tool. If you are a good Christian, I'm sure that you will comply with this most sincere wish. I don't want my readers and listeners any more confused than they have already been made.
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When Honesty Fails

I want to try to write about TV in a more positive tone today. I said yesterday that it is a mind control device, but that doesn't mean that it can't be put to good use. The way people have been alternating between rejecting me and accepting me over the last three years at first suggests that they are a fickle lot, but there may be another reason for it, a more innocent one: honest people are trusting. Honest people turn on their TV's and fully expect to receive truthful information because they, themselves, are honest. But as I have often stated, lies change. First Dateline told you that you worshiped Tina Fey. Then they told you Tina Fey worshiped me. Am I correct? If so, as soon as those ladies reversed their position, no one should have listened to them again; they can't be trusted to broadcast news, especially news about me. On another point, I have held a lot of jobs in my life. I know how hard it is to get by. I know what it's like to come home at the end of a hard day. You're not up for any intellectual challenges from your TV. You just want to sit in front of it and let it do the thinking for you. So please don't think that I am condescending by pointing out the following. A musician does not depend on humour. If a musician includes laughs in his portfolio, it is as a bonus to his musical talent and nothing more. A musician does not win fans with laughs, he wins them with music. Furthermore, even if a musician wanted to somehow apply comedy to his career in some underhanded way, he wouldn't go to the pains of typing out a script complete with stage instructions. He would simply download a comedy video and make it available on his web page. I suspect that there are still some people on TV who owe me money. I'm not sure what the future holds for me, but I hope that as long as you people insist on watching TV, you will try to watch it with a more critical eye, at least until I appear there myself in some way that proves that you can once again trust it. Under benevolent authority, even a mind control device can be beneficial.
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The Counselor

Now you gentlemen all know why you're here. You have a drug problem and you need help to get over it. I know what life can be like on the streets. I watch TV. But with enough effort you can leave your shameful past behind you and move on to productive employment. So why don't we start with you. It says here that you were arrested for marijuana. How did you get hooked on the green stuff? Did they make you smoke it before they let you join their gang? No. I was never in a gang. No? Then you must have got mixed up with the wrong crowd in school. No. I did well in school. Then please enlighten us. Well, if you must know, it was my job. Your job! Did you work in a pool hall or something? No. I worked for the government. But my boss never gave me anything to do. I couldn't sit and let my body vegetate all day unless my mind was in the same state. I'm sorry. We can't accept you in this program. Please leave at once. (The man gets up and leaves.) How about you? It says here that you do the hard stuff: malt liquor. What terrible turn did your life take to make you stoop so low? Divorce? Unemployment? No. Nothing like that. So how did it happen? I got this job as an elevator operator and - GET OUT! (The man leaves.) All right, let's save some time. Did anyone in this group start using drugs for reasons other than their job? (The entire group gets up and leaves. The counselor pulls open a drawer in his desk, finds a pill bottle, pops it open and downs the contents.)
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End of the Line

(A television studio.) Snow: Welcome to End of the Line ... where we set stars up so you can watch them fall. I'm Doreen Snow. You know, after all the years that we've been in business, you'd think the stars would know better than to risk appearing on our show. Once a star appears on this show, it's the end of the line. And we can tell by our ratings that you've all been paying close attention in the last few months. In fact, we've become stars in our own right - possibly because with all the competition in jail, there's nothing else to watch! And - uh - who are you? Agent: Sorry to interrupt, ma'am. We're with the FBI. We are very interested in hearing a full accounting of how you 'set stars up', as you say. Could you come with us? Snow: Certainly not! I'm in the middle of a broadcast! Agent: Ma'am, please don't make us take you by force. Snow: Security! (Agents surround her and drag her from her post, kicking and screaming.) Snow: Take your hands off of me! You can't do this to me! I'm a star!
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Last Minute Notes

I had no knowledge of these Dateline shows until I left Vancouver. I pieced together my knowledge retroactively. I gather that everyone watched those shows while they were being broadcast and that no one told me about them. It is also likely that my next-door-neighbour in my building videotaped them and watched them over and over for weeks afterwards. I extrapolated their content from that. I never visited him, but the wall separating our rooms is paper thin. What's going on in Japan? Should I be concerned? See how they fight? They wait until they think I'm out of computer time and then they launch another bullshit assault. What cowards.
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Heil Wal-Mart

Television is widely regarded as an entertainment source, but I view it differently. I see television as a mind control device. People just are not impressed with you unless they've seen you on television. It has to do with the way television's mind ray acts on the brain. TV was developed in Nazi Germany to help make the fuhrer larger than life and to steer German citizens along a path of submission to state authority. Now, as far as I can see, TV is being used to steer consumers along a pre-programmed buying pattern. This is TV's main purpose; not to entertain you, but to manipulate you. I have more to say on this, but I will need to pick it up at a later date. I've run out of time on this computer. Bye for now.
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Tell Me More

(Re: FOX News broadcast - early 2010) I can't remember the twit's name but I recall sharing a humorous blog about how FOX News could easily turn their broadcast into a movie. I compared this character to Murphy the Molar and spoke of how Jesus would appear at the end on a winged Christian unicorn. Does anyone remember that? I deleted it later that year. (CORRECTION/Feb 2016: The missing post was in Monoblogs of Playdough blog the whole time. It was not erased.) I remember seeing a FOX News clip featuring Kid Rock shortly after I posted that blog. He said he had no idea why he was there. They told him in so many words that they liked him because of his average American lifestyle. I felt personally connected to this event and I wanted to see the rest of the clip, but it ended right there. Does anyone out there know the rest of it?
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Happy Valentine's Day!

A special note for girls who like my music and didn't betray me on national television. I wish I could be with you today so I could hug you and kiss you, but you probably wouldn't like it because I smell like cigarette butts. I love you very much. Thanks for liking my songs. I'm in a bitter legal struggle right now but it won't last forever. By the end of this year I'll have a whole pile of new songs and this time I have lawyers to make sure no one steals them. Sorry I didn't follow through for you six years ago. Those TV jerks had me and everyone around me thinking I was crazy! Hope it's not too late. Some guy in the shelter thinks I missed the boat. Oh well, at least maybe I can still be rich. Don't be sad. Whatever love you felt in my work was the love of God. I don't like people very much. They've been mean to me. But God loves them and that's why he gave me the talent to make them feel good with my art and made me so I can't help sharing it. It doesn't matter if I love you. It only matters that God loves you. But I still love you because you're so soft and sweet. And maybe if you love me we can be in Heaven together. I hope you don't think this note is effeminate. I have such tender feelings for you. This is the only way I can put them into words. Happy Valentine's!
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TV or not TV?

I used to browse YouTube a lot and I'd see channels filled with TV shows posted by their fans. The fans treated the show as though it was their property. And they did the same thing with music. They figure it belongs to them if they listened to it. So it doesn't surprise me that everyone thought I was posting TV scripts on my blog because that's what they all do. Too bad it has caused me so much unjust suffering. TV likes to tell you that the internet sucks and that they have all the real talent. And when I started proving that they don't have all the real talent six years ago, they started making my life impossible. They did a fine job on me. I recall starting a legal action when my original posts were still online, but my little brother went into a panic over some of my truthful online statements and got my parents all worried. They shoved me on an airplane to Vancouver so I could only embarrass them from a distance. I guess they trust their TV more than they trust me.
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Just Guessing

I'm not overly concerned about not having my name in the paper. I bet this blog has more readers than The New York Times.
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A Day in No Life

What have you been hearing about my movements and activities in the last six years? Has anyone noticed that I have no life? Do you think I went out and partied with Scarlett and then had her drop me at the library so I could post a blog? Haven't I posted blogs almost every day now for at least the last three years? Let's include the deleted ones on this question. My day in Vancouver consisted of maybe working on a song at home, going to the library to post a blog, and then topping it off with a free meal at the drop-in centre at four o'clock. That's all I did the whole time. Anything else that you heard that I did is a lie. My day here in Ottawa consists of having breakfast at the shelter, going to the library to post a blog and read my book, then going back to the shelter to have dinner and sleep. I can't work on my music yet because I'm homeless. And how could I be out living it up? I have no money. But now I'm hearing about how I work for Nasco. (Vancouver. Yeah sure it wouldn't have happened at Nasco Ottawa!) I don't work for Nasco. I worked on a handful of shows back in '09 and that was it. And I'm hearing about how I work for Telus. I don't work for Telus. I never worked for Telus. They should castrate those workers for lying about me like that. I haven't had any women since I posted all my sensational work online. A few have managed to track me down, but I reject them because I can't trust them. For all I know they were sent to me by NBC. I will be avoiding all contact with women until this dispute over my work is resolved.
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